Real Police Work
by The Vampire's Missus
Summary: Who has time for policing when there's lust in the air?


Real Police Work

Sgt. Dale Smith was in his office with a huge pile of paperwork staring back at him. He sighed, wriggled an eyebrow and reached for the first file. As he opened it, he saw someone walk past, "Nick!", he yelled.

Nick sighed and knew exactly what the Sarge wanted. He stopped and turned, "Low fat milk, 1 sugar, right away Sarge...", taking the West Ham coffee mug that Smiffy was waving at him.

"Good boy...", muttered Smiffy smirking, as Nick walked off.

Soon, Nick returned and went to place the coffee mug on the desk. Smiffy shoved some files aside and the mountain of files fell on the floor, dislodging papers everywhere. He gave Nick _that _look and Nick sighed again and knelt down to pick them all up. Smiffy drank his coffee and eyed off Nick's bum, as Phil The Creep entered the office.

Smiffy glanced up and asked, "Wot is it Phil?"

Phil said, "I need Nick for an obbo on the Jasmine Allen."

Smiffy shook his head, "No, I need him here, he's doing important work."

Phil eyed off Nick's bum and replied sarcastically, "Yeah...very..."

Smiffy smirked from behind his coffee mug, "I can give you Gary, Phil."

Phil pulled a face, "Gary? That pot-plant would be more use!", pointing to the plant Nick had given Smiffy last birthday.

Smiffy had to concede that one... "Alright, take Kerry..."

Phil did _his_ smirk and went away happier.

At the Front Desk, SRO Marilyn Chambers was cleaning her glasses eager to start a new knitting pattern she had been dying to try out. A small boy came in and said, "Miss! My bike's been pinched!"

Marilyn said, "Awww, that's no good. Give me the details and I'll like er, you know... get someone to try and get it back for you."

She jotted down some notes and waved the boy bye, and went to see Smiffy.

Marilyn knocked on the door frame and eyed off Nick's bum,"Sarge, could you send someone out to find a stolen bike?"

Smiffy looked over at her, "Sorry, everyone's flat out. It'll have to wait."

Marilyn eyed off Nick's bum,"Like, er ...yeah, I can see that, you know...", and walked off.

She saw Rob The Knob in the corridor and he smiled at her, "I'll help you look for it!", as his hands wandered up her skirt. Marilyn giggled as she dragged Rob into a broom cupboard.

Meanwhile, Gary came out of Gina's office. He looked exhausted and glanced nervously at Smiffy before scurrying off to curl up on a couch in the rec. room.

Also, meanwhile...up in CID, Jack came up to Debz and asked her into his office for a debriefing. As she slinked along behind him, Debz checked her lipstick and pulled the baby oil out of her jacket pocket...

On the Jasmine Allen, Phil and Kerry were sitting in a van in boredom. Kerry looked out the window and sighed, "Maybe we'd be more comfortable in the back...", then looked round as Phil was already there...with his extension.

Kerry grinned and dived in the back with him.

Behind the gently rocking van, 17 burglaries, a drive-by shooting and the dismantling and theft of a kiddies' playground took place...

Back at the nick, Smiffy looked into his now-empty coffee mug and waved it in Nick's face. Nick sighed and took it. As Nick walked out the office, Smiffy said, "And some chocolate hob-nobs..."

Nick went into the canteen and Maureen the Canteen Lady smiled her special smile at Nick as she handed over the chocolate hob-nobs. She held up her gravy ladle and Nick looked around, then leapt over the counter and into Maureen's arms.

A few minutes later, Gina came in and saw them. "Nick, my office now!", she growled, "Oh...and bring the ladle!"

As Nick followed Gina into her office, Smiffy looked up and yelled, "Oi! Coffee and chocolate hob-nobs?"

Meanwhile, out on patrol, Reg had run into Eva. They had quietly nabbed the burglary ring, got a postive ID on the drive-by killer and recovered, repainted and re-erected the kiddies' playground.

On their way back to the car, they found the bike thief and this lead them to busting a heroin smuggling operation.

Some time later, Gina had returned to prowling the nick and went into the rec. room. She saw Gary on top of the pool table with Maureen the Canteen Lady...

"Gary! My office, now!...Oh, and bring the ladle!"

Reg and Eva returned to the station and went to Custody to process their prisoners. Sheeeeeee and Des hurried out of the cell they were in, looking annoyed with the interruption...

Reg and Eva then told Smiffy about the day's events.

Eva eyed off Nick's bum and asked Smiffy to put in Reg's name for a commendation.

As Reg and Eva strolled to the canteen, Reg said to her, "Can I buy you a cuppa tea, Eva?"

Eva smiled at him and replied, "Awright, darlin'.."

Even more later, Gina prowled into Custody. It was unattended, so she went into a cell. Sgt. Murphy and Des were in there, doing something...with a mop...

"Des! My office now!...Oh, and bring the mop!"

Again later, Gina prowled over to CSU, she found June and Jim in the private office, 'offering each other counselling'...by this stage, she felt she needed a drink and left them to it.

Ramani and Terry didn't notice, they were too busy cracking a world-wide slave trade network.

Gina prowled up to Okaro's office with a bottle in her hand.

She found him bending over picking up some papers.

Eying off his bum, she said, "Adam! Fancy a little something"? I've had a hard day..."

Meanwhile, in CSU, Terry and Ramani had completed their caseload and were signing the paperwork. Terry's hand touched Ramani's just for a moment. Their eyes locked together and Terry smiled slightly. A thrill ran through Ramani and she smiled back_. "Gosh! Was that an inter-office romance?", _she thought...

The End


End file.
